PORTUGAL: Homens da Luta – ‘A luta é alegria’ (‘The struggle is joy’)
I’ve been writing about music for almost a decade now, and I can honestly say that it is the worst song I have ever heard. And I’ve watched a lot of Eurovision song contests. Heck, I even went to a local talent show in my community, and the tone-deaf toddlers were better singers. Horrid, horrid, horrid.
If ‘A luta e alegria’ was a past Irish entry, it would be: Dustin the Turkey ‘Irlande Douze Points’ (2008). The locals may see the appeal, and find it funny, but the rest of the world is just confused.
LITHUANIA: Evelina Sašenko – ‘C’est ma vie’ (‘It’s My Life’)
Beware the B*Witched-style title of this song, as it’s almost entirely in English and it has no mention of looking like your dad. It’s a Disney-esque soaring ballad, but all in all a bit dull.
If ‘C’est ma vie’ was a past Irish entry, it would be: Maxi ‘Do I Dream’ (1973). Was overshadowed on the night by Cliff Richard’s entry following it. Evelina will miss out on votes thanks to the dirge that went immediately before.
AZERBAIJAN: Ell and Nikki – ‘Running Scared’
Eldar Gasimov and Nigar Jamal are two respected Azeri singers, and have teamed up to launch their assault on Eurovision. They’d want to do a bit better than this bland duet, which has a lot of promise, but delivers little. It needs a bigger chorus, and a string section. Then it could be great.
If ‘Running Scared’ was a past Irish entry, it would be: Donna and Joe ‘Love?’ (2003). A boy-girl duo with no chemistry. Donna and Joe didn’t have any because they were brother and sister, so at least they had an excuse.
GREECE: Loukas Giorkas feat. Stereo Mike ‘Watch My Dance’
No, it’s not Bran Van 3000, it’s just some Greek lad ripping him off. Makes me miss the original tune really. This Stereo Mike is a Greek hip-hop/R&B act, but ‘Watch My Dance’ sounds like the kind of urban song that a new “troubled” kid on Home and Away might perform.
If ‘Watch My Dance’ was a past Irish entry, it would be: Kiev Connolly & The Missing Passengers ‘The Real Me’ (1989). After years of slow ballads, Ireland went for something different in 1989 – an up-tempo ballad. It didn’t work. Likewise, Greece’s attempt at merging East and West Coast rap is about as successful as the reunification of Cyprus.