Ireland are one of the acts in Semi-Final 2 for Eurovision 2011 in Dusseldorf, and will be facing some fine entries (some awful ones too). Here’s the penultimate instalment of my Eurovision 2011 preview.
BELARUS: Anastasia Vinnikova – ‘I Love Belarus’
Well, don’t we all. It’s give us so much. The Nightingale ballet, Alexander Hleb, and some other stuff. They’ve now given us this egotistical triumph. Songs which proclaim the brilliance of their own nation always do well. Dustin anyone?
If ‘I Love Belarus’ was a past Irish entry, it would be: Cathal Dunne ‘Happy Man’ (1979). A feel good song with ridiculous lyrics, it did moderately well. Since Belarus has a few former Soviet neighbours, expect them to do alright too. Whether they love them or not is a different story.
LATVIA: Musiqq – ‘Angel in Disguise’
Musiqq is representing Latvia, unforunately they’re no relation to Sonique. Instead it’s two dudes in waistcoats with horrible emo haircuts. I don’t think they can sing either. I could do a better job. No seriously, I’m expecting Ireland to enter me in Eurovision 2012.
If ‘Angel in Disguise’ was a past Irish entry, it would be: Butch Moore ‘Walking the Streets in the Rain’ (1965). Back in Eurovision one, 11 points in total was enough to get you sixth position. This time, we’ll see where Latvia’s eleven points get them.
DENMARK: A Friend in London – ‘No Tomorrow’
Tim Schou appears just before our boys, and his giant perm is even bigger than theirs. There goes shock factor #1 anyway. ‘No Tomorrow’ is a real lighters-out kind of song, and isn’t the worst thing ever. It’s not the best either. Meh.
If ‘No Tomorrow’ was a past Irish entry, it would be: Liam Reilly ‘Somewhere in Europe’ (1990). This one actually came second two decades ago. Hard to believe that songwriting hasn’t moved on at all since then.
IRELAND: Jedward – ‘Lipstick’
Saving the worst til last. And I sincerely mean that. ‘Lipstick’ might be the worst Irish entry ever. At least those three decades of ballads you could listen to, boring and bland, but not ear-splittingly terrible like this dross. I imagine thousands of Irish kids will be kicking themselves in a decade’s time when they try to hide the fact they all bought this single. “Oh when I was ten I was listening to King of Limbs by Radiohead”. Brutal.
If ‘Lipstick’ was the current Irish entry: Wait, it is! 0 points.