Taking a leaf out of the Andrew WK Book of Song Titles, Brian/Bryan/Brione/All-Bran McFadden is back with his new single ‘Come Party’. There’s no mentions of getting a girl drunk so you can have your way with her, but there is this very amazing video.
0.07: Woah, you know Brian means business. He’s banging the wall. How’s that for hardcore? And in time to the music too.
0.16: Now he’s hitting his bum off the wall. He doesn’t care about anything or anyone. Deal with it.
0.21: There’s people dancing in time to the music, but they’re focusing on one guy in particular. Will there be some sort of rap section in the middle perhaps? Oooh, the tension.
0.32: Brian is walking down the alley now. Oh, and did I say his part is in black and white? Yeah, it is. Gangster.
0.40: The chorus, oh the chorus. Horrible, I don’t think my ear drums can take it. On another note, the guy I thought might be a rapper has started doing the chicken/’Walk Like an Egyptian’ dance and is spinning around with most of his underpants on show.
0.48: They’re running out into the street. They must have heard Brian’s soothing voice. Well, that or his trite lyrics.
1.00: Other people from other dance studios are running out too. It’s handy that all their rehearsals are happening at this time, coinciding with Brian’s four minute song.
1.04: See, I knew he was a rapper. Maybe Brian had planned to duet with Delta Goodrem, but can’t now their relationship is kaput. Maybe he could get Vogue to spin a few discs.
1.26: The breakdown section. I suppose we need it after the excitement of that chorus and those lyrics. But wait, the rapper’s hand movements. “Look into my eyes, not around the eyes, into my eyes. And you’re under.”
1.34: Ghettoblaster alert. Drink one shot.
1.50: Nothing gets me down down when I’m with my crowd crowd. Origin of a lyric #01: “Hey, you hear those Ke$ha songs on the radio. They’re selling pretty good, and they all sound the same. Bri€n, I think I have found the solution for your dwindling career. Just repeat the same nonsense over and over. Oh, and get a rapper. Chicks dig rappers. And underpants.”
2.00: The people at the block party, I’ll assume it’s a block party, they’ve “Come Party” after all, they’re taking photos of the rapper. I don’t recognise him. Snoop Dogg’s cousin maybe? Little Bow Wow grown up?
2.12: He’s rapping again. I think it might be the same words too. Lazy.
2.30: Thank the Lord they put down that cardboard box on the ground for those breakdancers. Brian is all about the safety. No other way they could’ve gotten insurance for this megabucks video.
2.50: He’s cleaning up the shop like a barber does. And I think I heard a mention of getting wasted. Remember what happened the last time BMac?
2.58: Pop Video Cliché #236: Point at stuff in the distance, but never actually show what it is.
3.10: He’s rapping again. I think it might be the same words too. Lazy.
3.20: Ah screw it, let’s just listen to the banging music and say Yeah every few minutes. Worked for Usher.
3.33: Brian and Bow Wow just met in the alley. And they did that shake/hug that shows you’re bros. Bros before hos, right dude?
3.40: Brian goes into some building. And the song’s over. Shortest party ever. Sniff.
And I haven’t even mentioned the single cover…