Stage Invasions, Deadlock, Vanilla Ice, Pineapples, this week’s X Factor had it all. Especially the bloody deadlock. Six weeks in, five deadlocks. It’s getting bloody ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as that stupid noise when it goes to Deadlock. It’s not tense the fecking fifth time!
Anyhow, on with the show review. This week was Queen Week, so Brian May and Roger Taylor were celebrity mentors (yay! The mentors are back). So every song was a cover of a Queen song. Well, except one. But if Simon can bend the rules, certainly Louis can too! (Oh and I predicted the bottom two right on twitter yet again.)
Jamie Archer opened the show with ‘Radio Ga Ga’. It was probably his worst performance of the series, and a far cry from his first audition where he sang ‘Sex on Fire’ by Kings of Leon. I always thought he was a bit pompous anyway. We won’t be seeing any more of him as the arrogant git lost out in Deadlock. Obviously the public liked him as much as his barber. Maybe now he can wash and get rid of those lice.
Lloyd Daniels was better this week, but even still he’s the worst in it by a mile. At least John and Edward are entertaining. Lloyd is dull. And have you heard him being interviewed? I’ve had better conversations with my morning Weetabix! He sang ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’, but I didn’t really notice what he was doing due to the fact he was using my draughts/checkers board as a costume, complete with dire leather trousers. Lucky to stay in. Very, very lucky.
Eventual winner Olly Murs (yes I know I said Lucie a few weeks back, but people are stupid) sang ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ and was once again very assured. He’s the most consistent performer and is a great entertainer. Pity he wears awful Fred Perry clothes. He’s better in a suit.
Teen heartthrob Joe McElderry once again performed the 10 degree head tilt. (See Popjustice’s hilarious article on it here.) Oh yeah, sorry, where was I? Yes, he sang ‘Somebody to Love’ which was great. He’ll be in the final too. The ladies love him. Awww, he’s so cute.
Every week, we wait for John and Edward, and every week they are fantastic. (This week I watched the repeat, not the live show, as Ireland were playing France, but had to still watch the twins regardless. I missed nothing in the game, luckily.) They sang, no wait, rapped ‘Ice Ice Baby’ with about twenty seconds of ‘Under Pressure’, but it all makes Brian May more money, so why dispute it? They were hilarious, and are actually improving from week to week. Simon even liked it, saying that it was good for “JEdwardland”. Think he’s coined a phrase there. I don’t think it was fair on the other acts that they already had their celebrity duet though. Calvin Harris did his best to show them up by dancing beside them with a pineapple on his head and then ran off. At the time it seemed like a natural part of the performance, but Holly told us it wasn’t on Xtra Factor. Still great though.
Stacey Solomon is a totally different person on stage than when speaking according to Brian May. No shit. You can actually understand her when she’s singing. This week her nose took on ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’. I was bored, but plenty weren’t. She’s still in it. God is she dull. And absolutely crazy. In a bad way. Not in the kooky Paul Thomas Anderson way.
Massive mouthed Danyl Johnson (who am I to talk, my mouth is huge too) opened his gob this week to
let bats fly out sing ‘We Are The Champions’ complete with stage school clapping. It was like a horrid adult High School Musical. Terrible. Hopefully him or gormless Lloyd will go next week.
The Group song this week for Sunday’s Live results show was a very much lip-synced ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. I thought this was a singing show. Obviously none of the contestants have the X Factor either. In my opinion, John and Edward should just be allowed mime every week now. Alexandra did it, why can’t they?
Shakira’s new song may sound good on the radio but live it was horrible. She also had some limboing drummers which made absolutely no sense. Although if I could shake my belly I’d make a career out of it too.
This year the charity single which is destined for number one is all 12 finalists singing the late Michael Jackson’s ‘You Are Not Alone’. They mimed that too, but even still Rikki Loney did not miss his chance to be awful. And it was nice to see Kandi Rain take time out from filming their latest porno movie to come back on the show.
The sing-off was Jamie and Lloyd this week, and once again went to deadlock. Lloyd was actually better in the singoff, in my opinion, as Jamie’s song choice of ‘The Show Must Go On’ was awful. He did not do it any justice. Lloyd played safe, but it worked. He’s still on the show. For only one more week, hopefully.
Next week is… I’m not sure. But Susan Boyle and Mariah Carey will be on it. Come on the SuBo! She’s crazy in a good way, unlike Stacey. “Rarer than caviar” allegedly.